Emotional Refuge.
In having segregated the personal spaces of my life into different levels, there should be an understandment between being physically and emotionally constant into a person's life.
Seemingly enough, i'm.. content. I physically see many of my great friends on a regular basis, constantly occupied and pretty much satisfied. But it doesn't help the fact on coming home and being washed up with so many thoughts without fail. Feels like a void i'm having trouble filling up no matter how hard i try.
To feel connected, to feel understood, to feel different, to feel the having of something, something.. more. Something which wasn't merely on the plain surface of things, something different.
Something i once had, but it's all gone now and i'm a lost man.
Goodnight
Seemingly enough, i'm.. content. I physically see many of my great friends on a regular basis, constantly occupied and pretty much satisfied. But it doesn't help the fact on coming home and being washed up with so many thoughts without fail. Feels like a void i'm having trouble filling up no matter how hard i try.
To feel connected, to feel understood, to feel different, to feel the having of something, something.. more. Something which wasn't merely on the plain surface of things, something different.
Something i once had, but it's all gone now and i'm a lost man.
Goodnight
2011.
In life, we meet people who make everything seem senseless and foreign. They introduce bits and fragments of what their proclamation of the "world" is, a different view with every changing person.
I picture feeling this foreign, with just a few of the people i meet on a strange night. Where there are billions of people, just as different around me. Each one waiting to have their stories told.
But yet,
There're always people, who make me feel like things are real -they define my version of real, just like they put the meaning into other words like, home; love; world; and so much more.
This has been one hell of a year, adversity, pain, and enthrallment all the same.
I've learned;
to care alot less about different things(or at least try), because of how sensitive they have become and how much they hurt.
How many different stories can be told in so many different ways.
That simple inspiration arrives from merely anywhere, that the people around you -if you look a little deeper, you'll be inspired/disgusted (haha)
That, people change.
-But, i miraculously(foolishly?) still somehow have faith.
People you love, may not love you back/have different ways of loving you.
How scary it is, to be that disappointed in a person and to have the very core of your able bodied mind be told that so much was a lie, and everything meant nothing.
2011, was a year of adversity and a year of learning.
Happy new year, i love you guys.
I picture feeling this foreign, with just a few of the people i meet on a strange night. Where there are billions of people, just as different around me. Each one waiting to have their stories told.
But yet,
There're always people, who make me feel like things are real -they define my version of real, just like they put the meaning into other words like, home; love; world; and so much more.
This has been one hell of a year, adversity, pain, and enthrallment all the same.
I've learned;
to care alot less about different things(or at least try), because of how sensitive they have become and how much they hurt.
How many different stories can be told in so many different ways.
That simple inspiration arrives from merely anywhere, that the people around you -if you look a little deeper, you'll be inspired/disgusted (haha)
That, people change.
-But, i miraculously(foolishly?) still somehow have faith.
People you love, may not love you back/have different ways of loving you.
How scary it is, to be that disappointed in a person and to have the very core of your able bodied mind be told that so much was a lie, and everything meant nothing.
2011, was a year of adversity and a year of learning.
Happy new year, i love you guys.
Merry Christmas.
Because really, everything isn't supposed to feel like this now. Foreign, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and terrifying. This was going to be the time of my life, to have the adventure of a lifetime but still arriving back on earth under my curfew with somewhere to call home.
Coming down to it all, let's just all not care anymore.
Merry Christmas everybody.
Coming down to it all, let's just all not care anymore.
Merry Christmas everybody.
Review.
My Heart's tied up in more than just little knots, with the disappointments all around. Give me back the people i love, the skip i used to have, take away all these bad thoughts and feelings and make them all go away. I want to feel comfortable and loved again, goodnight.
Vulnerable
It's incredibly surreal; the phase of life i'm in right now. Often seeming that the days that come by are only here to go. And that we're striving alot more than the usual, just to get through the times. Everyday is filled with question and doubt, not knowing what lies ahead of us, a lifetime of uncertainty and confusion. We wonder what's really going on for real with everything around us, and if it's just a big.. game.
I'll say, plenty of tough decisions ahead. And a heaping load of reality there will be to face soon, very soon. I question myself on what is real and what isn't, what i should care about and what i shouldn't. You'd think, sometimes it's just better off when you're not trusting anything, and believing almost nothing. Shutting down just one emotion, possibly means shutting down the whole lot, or at least numbing out the most of the latter.
Today we live in a society, reinforced by peer pressure. How much we should and shouldn't care about things, what is deemed reasonable to prioritize and what isn't. The things we stand for are affected by the people we stand with, and neither of them should come between each other. If you think about it, we're really just alone. Because while you're busy trying to devote your time to others, they're just paying theirs forward, leading into an infinite loophole of disarray. Most of us just aren't in the conscious state to see or understand that, unless, we're really not alone.
The magic of learning to trust is just as beautiful, as it is hard to trust someone. But trusting someone, with all our heart, would mean being open, fragile, and vulnerable. You're pretty much marked with a huge crosshair over your chest. But that's what being vulnerable is all about, because as much as you're open to the bad stuff, you're just as vulnerable to the good stuff.
So maybe being vulnerable isn't that bad after all.
I'll say, plenty of tough decisions ahead. And a heaping load of reality there will be to face soon, very soon. I question myself on what is real and what isn't, what i should care about and what i shouldn't. You'd think, sometimes it's just better off when you're not trusting anything, and believing almost nothing. Shutting down just one emotion, possibly means shutting down the whole lot, or at least numbing out the most of the latter.
Today we live in a society, reinforced by peer pressure. How much we should and shouldn't care about things, what is deemed reasonable to prioritize and what isn't. The things we stand for are affected by the people we stand with, and neither of them should come between each other. If you think about it, we're really just alone. Because while you're busy trying to devote your time to others, they're just paying theirs forward, leading into an infinite loophole of disarray. Most of us just aren't in the conscious state to see or understand that, unless, we're really not alone.
The magic of learning to trust is just as beautiful, as it is hard to trust someone. But trusting someone, with all our heart, would mean being open, fragile, and vulnerable. You're pretty much marked with a huge crosshair over your chest. But that's what being vulnerable is all about, because as much as you're open to the bad stuff, you're just as vulnerable to the good stuff.
So maybe being vulnerable isn't that bad after all.
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