An open letter to my best friend.

Dear you,

I'm sorry. I apologize for what I've failed to do, the promises I've never fulfilled and no longer can. I'm coming to accepting, that as much as i thought i was there to stay, i wasn't. It's been awhile since I've lost the right to be there for you. I bid you adieu, with hopes for a brighter future ahead of you.

No longer will i exist in your life as someone important, because all that i will become as of now is a mere reference to "that time that once was". I'm sorry it all had to turn out this way, but it just did and no matter how tired i am of listening to this line repeatedly, but "there's nothing i can do about it".

I'm sorry that, now we'll never go on to become all the great things we've spoken of together because we'll be headed our own separate paths now. How terrible a thing is friendship to lose, and terrifying it is to actually lose it. I'm scared in more than several ways, and afraid to see what lies ahead of us. Because the reality of the situation is just so damn intimidating.

Never in your life will you want to face such situations, yet they will be laid before you to conquer and only alone can they be overcome. Going through such a thing is frightening, and going through it alone was possibly as much as a trip to hell and back. But, after experience we grow to become characters of less naivety.

I guess, i deserved this. More often than not, i'm haunted by the regret of the kind of friend i should've been and how possibly this outcome could've been different if i simply wasn't as foolish as before. Never in my life, would i have thought i could reach this rock bottom kind of low, it just seemed humanely impossible, yet here i am reduced to what i'm ashamed of.

But, from this i will learn and know.
That, life is fragile. And however comfortable we are, and how secure we feel or think we are, things can change in the blink of an eye. And all we can do, is change along with it; adapt.

And with that, i'd like to thank you for everything you've taught me because everything that i've achieved in the past 4 years, could possibly not have happened if it was not for you. I'm just sorry that i didn't make it in the end, but a part of me will probably always be there for you.

Till my next shortcoming, Nanight.


Happy 20th October.

It's amazing how lonely you can feel in a room full of people.

Today

It's been a good time since this blog has been remotely active. Having cleared it from the redirection problem, my next task will be fixing up this ugly layout and color fixture it's in.

Today, i am in my last year of education. Subtle and swift the last 5 years have been. Through these years, i have had numerous experiences and i've gone through different phases of my life.

Recently, life has been revolving around a lot of realization of age, time and experience. How we put ourselves back and fourth through different mindsets that we have.

I have lost one of the greatest friendships in my short 17 year old life, till now i loathe myself for letting myself down.

May the time that is soon to come fix things, till the next time i am motivated to do great things.
Farewell.