It's incredibly surreal; the phase of life i'm in right now. Often seeming that the days that come by are only here to go. And that we're striving alot more than the usual, just to get through the times. Everyday is filled with question and doubt, not knowing what lies ahead of us, a lifetime of uncertainty and confusion. We wonder what's really going on for real with everything around us, and if it's just a big.. game.
I'll say, plenty of tough decisions ahead. And a heaping load of reality there will be to face soon, very soon. I question myself on what is real and what isn't, what i should care about and what i shouldn't. You'd think, sometimes it's just better off when you're not trusting anything, and believing almost nothing. Shutting down just one emotion, possibly means shutting down the whole lot, or at least numbing out the most of the latter.
Today we live in a society, reinforced by peer pressure. How much we should and shouldn't care about things, what is deemed reasonable to prioritize and what isn't. The things we stand for are affected by the people we stand with, and neither of them should come between each other. If you think about it, we're really just alone. Because while you're busy trying to devote your time to others, they're just paying theirs forward, leading into an infinite loophole of disarray. Most of us just aren't in the conscious state to see or understand that, unless, we're really not alone.
The magic of learning to trust is just as beautiful, as it is hard to trust someone. But trusting someone, with all our heart, would mean being open, fragile, and vulnerable. You're pretty much marked with a huge crosshair over your chest. But that's what being vulnerable is all about, because as much as you're open to the bad stuff, you're just as vulnerable to the good stuff.
So maybe being vulnerable isn't that bad after all.
2006, the last record of my visit to the doctor.
No existing records may serve as reference in my memories to how it feels like to be sick anymore. Up until the week before, have i recalled how it felt to be utterly weak, ready to collapse on your feet just because you feel like it.
It doesn't become a choice, but a conscious feeling, that every muscle in your body aches, that your mind can barely think things straight because it's tied up in knots, just like your stomach is, followed by that dried throat which causes you excruciating pain with the slightest movement of anything that might agitate your esophagus.
Weak,
The perfect word to describe the physical state i've been in for the past week. It kind of reminds you how fragile you really are, and that health isn't something we should take for granted. On a lighter note, about 4 kilo's lost thanks to the miseries of the week.
What a pain in the ass it is to constantly feel miserable on top of the already constant existing misery we're meant to face from everyday life. It's just a big huge pile of shit on top of the shit that already piles on you.
On the other hand, now that i'm better, my mind constantly wanders of into imaginations of the near future and what we face. How we'll come to define ourselves in the final stages of adolescence and all that comes with young adulthood.
"We're growing up."
NOTE: Some feelings just don't go away, and some people, can never be replaced.
No existing records may serve as reference in my memories to how it feels like to be sick anymore. Up until the week before, have i recalled how it felt to be utterly weak, ready to collapse on your feet just because you feel like it.
It doesn't become a choice, but a conscious feeling, that every muscle in your body aches, that your mind can barely think things straight because it's tied up in knots, just like your stomach is, followed by that dried throat which causes you excruciating pain with the slightest movement of anything that might agitate your esophagus.
Weak,
The perfect word to describe the physical state i've been in for the past week. It kind of reminds you how fragile you really are, and that health isn't something we should take for granted. On a lighter note, about 4 kilo's lost thanks to the miseries of the week.
What a pain in the ass it is to constantly feel miserable on top of the already constant existing misery we're meant to face from everyday life. It's just a big huge pile of shit on top of the shit that already piles on you.
On the other hand, now that i'm better, my mind constantly wanders of into imaginations of the near future and what we face. How we'll come to define ourselves in the final stages of adolescence and all that comes with young adulthood.
"We're growing up."
NOTE: Some feelings just don't go away, and some people, can never be replaced.
The end.
The week has been filled with a plentiful amount of "lasts", from the last tuition class i'd be attending, to the last day of school not for the end of the year, but forever. Yeah, forever. Big word in play there.
This adds another addition to my already mellow-dramatic life. And it's only the beginning of the numerous events, which're bound to make life seem like a terrible chic flick after the examinations are over.
Already, i'm finding it hard to believe the things that i've done in the past 5 years, proud and not proud hahahah. But, glad most of them happened nonetheless. From days into scouting, that taught me the responsibility and organization of my life. Up till the days with the over the edge crazy people i spend most of my time with, whom i learn that, in life we only live once and no way in hell were we letting it go to waste.
Priceless;
The memories i've had, with the people i've loved and cherished throughout my time in this school.
Yet, upon leaving school is a feeling in the pit of my gut that i find hard to relinquish. Lost friends, and twisted up thoughts. A month of confusion, worrying what i'll be doing and where i'm going in the next year, alongside what will happen in the near future.
After spending a majority of my time in school so comfortable with someone so consistent in life, it's tough knowing that i'm doing it without them. Everything that was built up within the 4 years, now left behind.
Graduating with a loose end, and without the people you love. Tough luck.
May things turn for the better, gdnight.
This adds another addition to my already mellow-dramatic life. And it's only the beginning of the numerous events, which're bound to make life seem like a terrible chic flick after the examinations are over.
Already, i'm finding it hard to believe the things that i've done in the past 5 years, proud and not proud hahahah. But, glad most of them happened nonetheless. From days into scouting, that taught me the responsibility and organization of my life. Up till the days with the over the edge crazy people i spend most of my time with, whom i learn that, in life we only live once and no way in hell were we letting it go to waste.
Priceless;
The memories i've had, with the people i've loved and cherished throughout my time in this school.
Yet, upon leaving school is a feeling in the pit of my gut that i find hard to relinquish. Lost friends, and twisted up thoughts. A month of confusion, worrying what i'll be doing and where i'm going in the next year, alongside what will happen in the near future.
After spending a majority of my time in school so comfortable with someone so consistent in life, it's tough knowing that i'm doing it without them. Everything that was built up within the 4 years, now left behind.
Graduating with a loose end, and without the people you love. Tough luck.
May things turn for the better, gdnight.
#
5YT.
In exactly less than two days, i'll be leaving second home after possibly comfortably enrooting myself to it's turns and crooks in the past 5 years. Amazing, how much can happen in such a simple place, and in just a matter of such time. What's even more amazing is how fast it has passed. It felt like not very long ago that i first stepped foot into the institute of my education which will soon be known as my Alma-mater.
Beautiful things have happened throughout the past 5 years, and beautiful people have i met. Starting from my crazy first year classmates, to my cozy pure scienced family i now have. Thankful for the bunch of friends i call "Golden Legs", and for the best friends i have and may not have been able to keep.
School;
With no doubts what-so-ever, has been the place i've to thank for all the learning i've done (although a majority of the learning has nothing much to do with curricular syllabus, hahaha)
But indefinitely, countless lessons in life. Not to mention, incredulously stupid experiences altogether.
People we'll meet in our education-oriented years, will always be the people we'll hold close to for life; because school time, being as innocent and saved from the real world as it is, involves interaction with pure intent of befriending one another out of the mere fact that we know we're just about as alone as we all can get in this strange place, and all we could use from each other would be simply a warm friendship which (if god may permit) last for the rest of our lives.
I have entered/endured, the stage in my life where things have been utterly confusing, and i really sometimes don't have a clue at where i'm at/where i'm going, but all i know is that i'd probably need to get through this. I mean cause, heck everyone else is doing it.
Despite such, conversations seemed to have lost their appeal, and friendships don't seem as potent. But, tomorrow is another day. And maybe, just maybe, i'll finally come to peace and terms with my loss.
Slowly, but surely.
Happy, bittersweet graduation.
In exactly less than two days, i'll be leaving second home after possibly comfortably enrooting myself to it's turns and crooks in the past 5 years. Amazing, how much can happen in such a simple place, and in just a matter of such time. What's even more amazing is how fast it has passed. It felt like not very long ago that i first stepped foot into the institute of my education which will soon be known as my Alma-mater.
Beautiful things have happened throughout the past 5 years, and beautiful people have i met. Starting from my crazy first year classmates, to my cozy pure scienced family i now have. Thankful for the bunch of friends i call "Golden Legs", and for the best friends i have and may not have been able to keep.
School;
With no doubts what-so-ever, has been the place i've to thank for all the learning i've done (although a majority of the learning has nothing much to do with curricular syllabus, hahaha)
But indefinitely, countless lessons in life. Not to mention, incredulously stupid experiences altogether.
People we'll meet in our education-oriented years, will always be the people we'll hold close to for life; because school time, being as innocent and saved from the real world as it is, involves interaction with pure intent of befriending one another out of the mere fact that we know we're just about as alone as we all can get in this strange place, and all we could use from each other would be simply a warm friendship which (if god may permit) last for the rest of our lives.
I have entered/endured, the stage in my life where things have been utterly confusing, and i really sometimes don't have a clue at where i'm at/where i'm going, but all i know is that i'd probably need to get through this. I mean cause, heck everyone else is doing it.
Despite such, conversations seemed to have lost their appeal, and friendships don't seem as potent. But, tomorrow is another day. And maybe, just maybe, i'll finally come to peace and terms with my loss.
Slowly, but surely.
Happy, bittersweet graduation.
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