What i've learned from 2012 wasn't alot of forgetting and putting things behind you, but acceptance. When one of the toughest things to swallow have come down, the trouble i foresee ahead isn't as dim, troubled a soul i may be and unfortunate of a character i am.
Maybe i've always been meant to play that person, the one in the background. Heck, if i don't, who will?
On losing people.
Grief over it, grief excessively yet know at certain points that you might be better off grieving than going back. Understand that maybe it's better this way, frenzy into a mood swing and change your mind. How could you have been so stupid? question yourself if anything was really "real", form an internal debate raging back and forth within your mind arguing the facts to prove yourself right/wrong in this endless debate.
Realize that losing someone didn't merely mean losing a friend, you've lost a partner in crime ; your amigo, compadre, and any other badly interpreted synonym that comes alongside those descriptions. Lose someone to keep you company in the form of a text message during dull-family dinners, lose the person who keeps you up late at night thinking about them; continue staying up thinking about them after losing them.
Lose them in the most unfashionable way, lose them and feel incomplete. You now have no more interaction going on in life because conversations run dry, because you just don't believe as much in anything anymore. Stop believing, because it reminds you too much about everything, you can't go back there it's just too terrifying. Pick yourself up and get through with everything, learn to care less. Because caring more isn't going to get you anywhere, take the care you once had and invest it in something else, anything else, just try to stop caring.
Lose a voice to call late at night and fall asleep to, lose the person to call to ask "how was your day?". Lose the memories you were supposed to make. Lose that shoulder that was yours, it's gone now and you're not getting it back. Lose the feeling of something special, now special isn't so special anymore.
Lose moments that you used to think were magical, now that you've lost them, you can stop feeling so much. Lose a best friend, somebody you never thought you were going to lose, someone you could count on till the very end; the someone that could count right back on you. Lose them for being selfish and stupid, regret being selfish and stupid, but too late. You deserve this, feel the impending punishment and suffer in it's grasp
Watch as things change, be helpless about it. You no longer call the rights to them anymore, you're not allowed to be there for them even if you wanted to. Understand that this happens, it sucks, but it happens. Realize, at the end of the day,
You've lost a part of yourself too.
Realize that losing someone didn't merely mean losing a friend, you've lost a partner in crime ; your amigo, compadre, and any other badly interpreted synonym that comes alongside those descriptions. Lose someone to keep you company in the form of a text message during dull-family dinners, lose the person who keeps you up late at night thinking about them; continue staying up thinking about them after losing them.
Lose them in the most unfashionable way, lose them and feel incomplete. You now have no more interaction going on in life because conversations run dry, because you just don't believe as much in anything anymore. Stop believing, because it reminds you too much about everything, you can't go back there it's just too terrifying. Pick yourself up and get through with everything, learn to care less. Because caring more isn't going to get you anywhere, take the care you once had and invest it in something else, anything else, just try to stop caring.
Lose a voice to call late at night and fall asleep to, lose the person to call to ask "how was your day?". Lose the memories you were supposed to make. Lose that shoulder that was yours, it's gone now and you're not getting it back. Lose the feeling of something special, now special isn't so special anymore.
Lose moments that you used to think were magical, now that you've lost them, you can stop feeling so much. Lose a best friend, somebody you never thought you were going to lose, someone you could count on till the very end; the someone that could count right back on you. Lose them for being selfish and stupid, regret being selfish and stupid, but too late. You deserve this, feel the impending punishment and suffer in it's grasp
Watch as things change, be helpless about it. You no longer call the rights to them anymore, you're not allowed to be there for them even if you wanted to. Understand that this happens, it sucks, but it happens. Realize, at the end of the day,
You've lost a part of yourself too.
Dear God,
Take away the misery of the people i love, and take real good care of em, cause that would be.. cool ahah.
Bittersweet.
I've never felt this independent in about 4 years, rather relieving, sometimes misleading and confusing. No longer are the days spent knowing that i'm being watched over, because i'm probably not.
Sometimes it feels like a breathe of fresh air, then again, It doesn't.
Because life is bittersweet, it always will be.
Sometimes it feels like a breathe of fresh air, then again, It doesn't.
Because life is bittersweet, it always will be.
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